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Serious Writery Question

What makes a good polyamorous (ie 3 person) relationship work. And I'm not necessarily asking about sex.

ETA: from Wikipedia:

"Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. The word is occasionally used more broadly to refer to any sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic."

My question, to try to be a little more clear, is what are the dynamics that make it work for you when you're reading it? I've read a few and I like them, but I read a complaint on another journal lamenting the fact that good threesomes are hard to find. It made me wonder what makes a good threesome? Also, the majority of the ones I've read are about the startup. I want to read about a relationship that's already established and since I've had a hard time finding one, I decided to try writing one, but now I'm curious about what other people think about what makes them work. Hence, the question.



( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 13th, 2011 07:58 pm (UTC)
...a "polyamorous" relationship is one woman/more than one man. A "polygamous" relationship is one man/more than one woman.

My answer to your question is to ask another question [lame I know]: What makes 2-person relationships work?
Jan. 13th, 2011 09:36 pm (UTC)
Re: Technically...
I've had wonderful examples of 2-person long-term relationships in my life, so my answer to your question is based on what I've seen in them. In general, I think it takes mutual respect, love, loyalty, attraction, compatibility, a sense of humor, dedication to sticking together through good times and bad, honesty and the ability to know when it's okay not to be, and the ability to laugh with and at yourselves.

Second, I added some more to my original post, because I don't think polyamorous or polyamory technically are one woman/more than one man. I interpret it as more than two people, no matter what their sex. I had done quite a bit of research on it before starting the story and that seems to be the consensus. Polygamy involves marriage to more than one person. There are different terms involved in polygamy depending on the sexes, but it's marriage based.
Jan. 14th, 2011 12:03 pm (UTC)
Re: Technically...
Sorry, graciesdaddy, but you've confused "polyamorous" with "polyandrous." Polyandry is having multiple husbands. Polygamy is having multiple spouses (but also has a fairly wide usage as "having multiple wives"). Polygyny is having multiple wives. Polyamory is having or being open to having multiple lovers, with mutual knowledge and consent.

Racchelle, I'm poly in orientation but don't have enough personal experience with romantic relationships to tell you anything useful. If I think of anything useful when I'm more awake, I'll comment again.

(Deleted comment)
Jan. 14th, 2011 01:14 am (UTC)
I'm doing okay for the moment. I've been spending a lot of time writing and time with my daughter, who was home from college for break. She's gone back now, so I'll probably spend even more time writing.

Thanks for answering and letting me know that I'm not alone in my search. :)

How are you?
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 14th, 2011 01:29 am (UTC)
Thanks--this is the kind of info I was looking for. More, actually, because instead of doing any writing tonight I'll be searching out Sasha's stories. :) I've read some, but I don't think I've read the snake brothers. They sound like they're right up my alley.

Anyway, you probably recognized the question as coming from your lamentations a few days ago. I also don't like m/f/m for pretty much the same reason. They also frequently seem to be all about the f when I'm there for the m's.

They should vibe, click. A good relationship, people are happier together and that shows. They bring each other out, balance each other, that kind of thing. That should hold true no matter how many people are involved. And I don't mean every story should be some deep and meaningful exploration, but the three(or more)some should make sense, just be zomg hot.

This in particular is super-helpful. That's exactly what I'm going for, but had started to wonder if I'm on the right track.
Jan. 15th, 2011 07:01 am (UTC)
They do need balance and to be happier and better off together than apart, but also they need to come together for a logic reason — I see that you are talking about established triples, but I think that without a proper foundation, a relationship can't stand. They have to do things together outside the bedroom and one person can't be more loved than the other two (or more), even if that love isn't all sexual. They also need time alone and in smaller groups (like the guy I know of whose wife and girlfriend have a night out every few weeks. The only other person I know that lives like this doesn't want her lover to spend time with her boyfriend so they never last very long.)

Back in April, theskimblishone, theotherdibbler, and I had a conversation about threesomes (found here: http://theskimblishone.livejournal.com/76423.html?thread=720007#t720007) which is why I wrote my story.

I think beginnings are easier to write than middles. I'd love to read your story when you get it written.

Jan. 16th, 2011 08:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the great insight. I'll be checking out your conversation right away. I also think beginnings are easier to write and I've read a lot of them, but I always want to know what happened next. How do they make things work, how do they tell their family and friends, how do they live day to day? Which is why I decided to try to tackle writing it. I'm thinking I'll be doing some different techniques to also show how the relationship started.

I just found and started your threesome story and am slowly reading it. So far, I really like it. I had actually read Are You Together (is that the right name?) on fictionpress and never wanted it to end!
Jan. 16th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
I had those same questions, which is one reason I'm writing Harmonies. I'd like to read your story when you get it written.

Are You Together felt like it went on forever, from this end. I've never spent that much time on one project before, but I'm guessing that I might still be writing Harmonies in a year. I have about six months worth of stories for it and all those chapter of Together were only a week in story time.
Jan. 20th, 2011 03:31 am (UTC)
Hey Racchelle.... Are you finally thinking about a new chapter for "Divergent Dreams", and letting E/J have their threesome?

I miss that story so much, Can you let me know when you plan an update on it? It is so good. I think I have read the both stories 3-4 times now... SO this is a shout-out...


Mar. 17th, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC)
Hi Cat! I must've missed this when you posted it :(

I have plans to work on Minnesota Dreams - just not sure when. It's been on my mind a lot lately though. I should take that as a hint.

I wrote a threesome for E/J and Tyler called "Lithium" but it wasn't a part of the actual story. Here's a link, in case you missed it

I'm sorry I can't be more specific. I'm definitely going to finish it. I wish I could just crank it out all at once and be done, but sadly, I don't work that way. So lots of apologies...
Mar. 16th, 2011 11:16 pm (UTC)
Racchelle-I don't know if you're still interested in this question about polyamory, but I do have some thoughts about what doesn't work in a polyamorous relationship, which I think might point towards what does work. This is something I've thought a lot about and to some extent experienced. I also have a close friend who was in a long term polyamorous relationship that was wonderful--and then it all came crashing down around her Before I go on, though, I just want to check in and see if you've moved on to other things, or if you're still interested in other thinking.
Mar. 17th, 2011 09:19 pm (UTC)
Yes! I'm definitely still interested, especially from the perspective you suggest. I'd really like to know about your friends experience, like how the relationship started, what made it work, details someone who's never had that relationship wouldn't know about, and what brought it to an end.

The story I asked for it for is one of the ones I'm currently working on, so information is definitely appreciated!

BTW, love your icon!
Mar. 17th, 2011 09:40 pm (UTC)
I knew I'd find a perfect use for that icon someday! Aren't they just gorgeous?

Anyhow, I'd rather answer the question in a direct e-mail to you. Feels like I'd be sharing a little more than I'm comfortable with in a public forum. If you'd like, go ahead and e-mail me at idahophoenix86@gmail.com and I'll send you a reply that way. (I'm suggesting e-mail because I've been having some iffy experiences with personal messaging on LJ)
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )